Why I love myself

After all the abuse mental, physical and emotional from people my own age or older. I finally realised my self worth although it was not very easy to accept I try my hardest everyday to remind myself and to pray to God for strength and Healing.

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Sometimes I used to sit and wonder whether I was good enough, To be very honest with myself and to you I still think about it sometimes now. I let peoples opinions and actions towards me take away any type of love that I had for myself. My mother used to tell me that unfortunatley I was not born with with a silver spoon in my mouth so everything I had to do would have to be on my own and it would be a struggle.
Well my understanding of this only arised over 3 months ago when I moved out. I realised that all this time when I was under my mums roof I felt alone but now I had moved out I actually was alone. When your alone it gives you alot more time to think about things such as why was that girl stairing at me on the bus the other day and why did he cheat on me.

Starts to drive you a bit mad when all the companies you owe money to starting calling your phone but all you have is 3 pounds to buy milk and bread. Everyone will tell you why did you do that to yourself, you begin to start worthless, but your not love yourself. Remind yourself of the reason that you took out a credit card or a loan. Do not wallow in self pity because betty or Jane doesn't understand why you done it .

I personally have spending problem, It all started when I was very young, I wouldn't say I was bullied but i was certainly teased about the trainers on my feet and the clothes on my back. This was because my mother was never able to pay for it. I used to constantly envy the other kids and as soon as I got to a working age anything I wanted I bought. So when I feel unhappy I would spend unnecessary money. However, This caused a lot of problems as I am now currently in about £5,000 worth of debt not even including the student loans and Uni tuition fees debts . But a wise man said to me,

YOU ARE,
beautiful,
Intelligent,
courageous,

The list was endless. The following morning I looked in the mirror and I told myself. You are beautiful, you are intelligent and courageous. It took a lot of time to convience myself all these things. After each and every boy run through my body I didnt think I would learn to love the skin I was in again. After all the abuse my ex boyfriend put me through I thought that I would recover from it but I never did because the scars still lay on my body.

But I learnt to take every experience, That I ever had and reminded myself that without these experiences I would not be the person that I am today. I love myself because I kept strong and will continue to keep strong. I love myself because we are all God's creatures someones option does not define me only you can define you. And lastly, I love myself because after been battered each and everytime I kept getting up.

That is why I love myself an you should too.

Renee xx

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