Whether I have recovered or not....

A lot of things have happened in my life, from personal to family problems. This has always made me think about things in a different light until certain things happened where thinking has now not been the same.

Community member

Former Member

Posts 235 Views 718539 Featured 9

Since I was little I've always got hit by my dad for doing dumb things as a kid or just doing nothing at all and him losing his temper. I used to hate that and think that I would want to get taken away from my family so that I can be like a normal kid. I started getting used to the hits and was only crying 'cause I didn't feel loved. Then things seemed to have only gotten worse, and I was taken away from my family for a year and my dad left the year after. I was happy cause it meant he couldn't hurt any of us anymore, and I felt that I would never have to see him hit my mum again like he did that day. I started to just feel normal and not have to worry about everything because I didn't feels danger.

Close to my exams something personal happened and I held it together and didn't say anything, but as soon as secondary school ended it was like I broke down, I became suicidal, that felt like the only way I was gonna be able to cope. I didn't wanna be in this world and I tried everything but nothing worked, I cut and I felt relief from that. Now I get panic attacks and that's when I cut.

The personal thing happened again recently, and I can't seem to get away from what's inside my head and I just have no clue on what to do. I'm hurt and lost, but also don't show it. I'm a closed book unless I wanna open up to someone about it, so no one will know how I truly feel.

I'm still a mess and don't think this may change. Sorry if this is all confusing, it's just how it is in my head, honestly I don't think I will ever recover but I guess that's for now.

This post was submitted as part of 'Recover Me’ campaign. Take a peek at our other submissions and get involved by creating your own content!

open

Recover Me

Knowing how to recover when life knocks you down can get you through tough times

VIEW CAMPAIGN