Loving my boyfriend AND his depression

"Dating him has been tough with his condition, but totally worth it." Amanda tells us how she copes with her boyfriend's depression.

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Hi, I am moving all the posts from the The Mix’s sister website Madly In Love to Your Voices.

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I guess, being an empath, I’m naturally drawn toward people who are broken. Somehow, I met him. And I thank God I did. I came into his life at a difficult time…and I’m honestly scared to think of where he would be if I hadn’t helped him out of it.

I’m not good with words, and I’m terribly shy, but I can listen, and that just happened to be what he needed. His parents didn’t really believe his depression was serious; they just thought it was something he needed to “get over” or “pray about”.

He doesn’t have very many friends, and certainly no one to talk to about his condition or problems. He’s only just started therapy and taking medicine, and it seems to be helping, but slowly and not all the time. Until then, though, I was the closest thing he had to a therapist.

I listened, I advised, I comforted, and somewhere along the line he fell in love with me.

It took me a while, but I eventually figured out that I was in love too.

It’s been over five months now since we started dating. I’ve known him for well over a year. He has severe depression and anxiety, he self-harms, and he has suicidal thoughts. He doesn’t see the worth in himself sometimes. He hates himself for his mistakes. He doesn’t love himself. And that makes it harder for him to love me in return, fully, all the time.

But see, I can deal with that. I understand him, and know that he won’t always be strong enough to be the “perfect boyfriend” for me. Sometimes, the roles have to reverse and I have to be the shoulder for him to cry on, I have to be the strong one, the rock. And that is perfectly fine.

It’s been a rough five months. Several times he’s almost broken up with me because he doesn’t feel worthy of dating me, or because he doesn’t feel like he loves me anymore. But I’ve learned that that’s just a side effect of his condition. I only have to stick it out for a while (the longest he’s been unsure was a weekend, then we talked it out as he was beginning to feel better) before he comes to and realizes that he was wrong and was making a mistake trying to end our relationship.

I don’t know if that means we’re unstable, or his condition is. Either way I’m still sticking it out. I’m not giving up on him.

It’s worth it, to see him happy. To see him smile and be so full of joy. You’d have to understand depression and the pain he goes through daily to fully appreciate how much his happiness is worth. And I love him. I love him with all my heart. He isn’t his depression. He’s Kyle. He’s my soulmate. And I’m his guardian angel. He’s still fighting a war in his head every day. But I’d like to think that now we are fighting it together.

This post was written by [unknown] and originally appeared on The Mix’s sister website Madly In Love.

Photo by Robyn Gallant

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