Exam results day stereotypes

The day has come and your exam results are finally here. Just for a bit of fun, to ease the tension, we’ve come up with a list of results day stereotypes. Do you recognise any of them? Let us know in the comments at the end of the article.

You have to jump, that's the rule

The I-worried-more-about-my-outfit person

Those envelopes contain the key to your actual future, but some people on results days care more about how they’ll look holding them in the photos. They can usually be found in the corner, taking selfies throughout the entire envelope-opening process, or stalking the photographer from the local paper (more on them later).

The embarrassing parents who insisted on coming

…and refused to stay in the car. There’ll be at least one poor sod whose parents demand to be there for the special moment. Can usually be spotted with the student who looks like they’re going to die and is refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Or just look out for two oldies with giant cameras, blissfully unaware of the social agony they’re causing.

The” Oooo-I-so-failed….-oh-hang-on-I-got-an-A” person

We all have them – the mate who insists they totally screwed up all their exams and most definitely failed. Until results day – when they’ve suddenly got five A*s and a place at Oxford.. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it!” they say, in faux-surprise, their eyes a-glow. While you glare at them, clutching your three Cs, wondering why it was you giving them the emotional support all this time.

The social media bragger

Facebook: “I got three Bs, Exeter here I come.”

Twitter: “OMFG, THREE B’S. I’M GOING TO UNIIIIIIIII”

Instagram: “Here’s a pic of me on results day. #threebs #goingtouni #sohappy

*repeats*

*Every ten minutes for the entire day*

The genuinely-don’t-give-a-f*ck people

While most of you are sweating and shaking as you rip back the sticky glue, there’s always a group on results day who really, honestly, don’t care what they get. Whether they’re too cool, too stoned, or too creative-to-be-defined-by-academic-achievements – it’s a surprise really that they bothered coming at all. Usually seen high-fiving each other to celebrate their U in Classical Civilisation AS level.

The pervy local newspaper photographer

They come to your school or college every year to celebrate your results and share them with the rest of the community. But – hang on – why are they only taking photos of those busty blonde girls? Why are the busty blondes being asked to repeatedly jump into the air for the photo? When the paper comes out the following week, it’s easier to find Wally than an unattractive bloke with both feet firmly on the ground.

Getting ridiculously drunk and then having to go for dinner with your parents

Going out on results day is usually one of the best nights of the year. It’s the end of summer, everyone is together again one last time, you start drinking at noon…. But inevitably your parents want to share your personal achievement, usually with a meal somewhere posh. Sounded like a fab plan when you agreed to it, right?But eight sambuca shots later, and you’re struggling not to collapse face-first into your Duck L’orange whilst sweating out ten pints of cider into your posho clothes. Suddenly, they’re not so proud of you anymore…