Festival sex locations

Get to know the good, bad & the stupid places to have sex at a festival.

The good, the bad and the incredibly stupid places to have sex at a festival. Don’t forget your wet wipes and get ready to greatly improve/regret your sex life. 

Festival sex. You know the drill — you’re away from home, maybe a little tipsy, and you want to enjoy yourself by knocking boots with the cutest person you can find. First make sure you’re using protection to avoid any accidents later on. Next you need to find the right place to get it on. But where in this muddy field can you discreetly have fun? From having sex in a tent to right in the middle of the mosh pit, here’s our guide.

Having sex in a tent

What could be sexier than having sex in a tent…? Sex while camping is not technically illegal (due to the reasonable expectation of privacy), and tents provide a number of advantages when it comes to a quick romp at a festival, including privacy of some sort, hopefully some actual condoms to hand and shelter from the rain. The more athletic sexual positions are out of the question, unless you want to bang your head on the ridge pole and collapse your temporary home.

Remember the super-thin walls of your tent will allow your neighbours to hear every word and breath and if you’re camped out near to your mates they’ll remember your mid-bonk mutterings forever if you don’t keep the noise down. And another tasty tip: if it’s night time, think twice about leaving your torch on – otherwise you’ll be providing an inadvertent tent sex silhouette show for every passer-by.

In the mosh pit

Bodies slamming together, standing close up in the crowd most of the time… who will notice you slipping one in from behind? Well, the other people who are being crushed up against you might, but they can hardly run away. You might also get trampled while your mind is on other things or even miss your favourite band. Nonetheless, your moans and screams should be drowned out by the crowd and the music.

Among the druids

When the boys in blue finally turn up to arrest you for outraging public indecency you can say it was sex magick to consecrate the sacred space. If you’re lucky they’ll take pity on you and you’ll escape a caution or a trip down the station.

If you’re even luckier there’ll be so many other rutting couples enjoying the fresh air and outdoor sex that by the time the coppers get there you’ll be long gone and laughing. Choose long grass for cover and watch out for sharp stones on the ground, falling unicyclists and spilt pints. 

Up a tree

This one will get you out of the mud and hopefully there will be enough foliage to cover your modesty. Tree sex has a nice ‘back to nature’ vibe, but positions will be limited – you’ll be hanging on to the tree and your significant other for dear life.

In the portaloos

On the scale of out there festival boinking locations this one is way out there. You’ve either run out of great options, or you enjoy the pungent whiff of poop in your nostrils (a good time for oral sex, maybe?). Worst of all if you did try it you’d be holding up the queue!

The least you could do if you go for the portaloo option is to leave no trace of what happened there. Remember to pocket your sex toys and utilise your baby wipes for the post sex clean-up operation. 

Whatever the outcome of your festival sexcapades, Brook provides free sexual health and wellbeing services for young people in the UK. Their services include local clinics and an online digital sex and relationships tool if you want to find more information.

Check out the rest of our festival tips and festival packing tips.