Third Wheeling

Things with three wheels: tricycles, motorbikes with sidecars, tuktuks, and your friendship with someone who has just found their 'one true love'. Third wheeling when your friend is in a relationship can be awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. The Mix has you covered…

What is third wheeling?

The Cambridge Dictionary describes a third wheel as being ‘in a situation where you are not wanted or needed, especially to be present with two other people who are in a romantic relationship’.

But we don’t like that meaning. We think it’s mean.

Yes, being a third wheel does mean that you’re somewhat hanging around in someone else’s relationship, but that doesn’t mean you’re not wanted.

We like to think of it as simply as being in a situation where your friend is now romantically involved with another person.

And if they’re not being a brat about it, third wheeling can bring many benefits to everyone involved…

The benefits of third wheeling

Finding out your friend is in a new relationship might feel like a death in the friendship group. You may wonder whether they’ll have time for you anymore. Perhaps you’re worried how they’ll change and if you’ll even be friends for much longer.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

In fact, it has the potential to strengthen your friendship.

A different side to friendship

By introducing someone new to the dynamic, you can get to know a different side to your friend – someone who lets their guard down and is not afraid to feel vulnerable. This can help deepen your own friendship with one another, bringing your beautiful bond to the next level.

New friends

So what about this new love interest of theirs?

If you’ve never met them before then it’s a chance to get to know someone new. And if they’re really serious about the relationship, they’ll want to make the effort to get to know the other people that are important to their new partner.

Your friend is happy and you’ve made a new friend – win win!

Friendship to relationship

Perhaps the icing on the third wheeling cake is the possibility to actually meet your own potential partner.

In a world full of swiping left or right, the current dating game can get incredibly exhausting very very quickly.

We all dream of meeting that one person IRL, and the odds are in your favour if you get on well with your friend’s new partner. Most new and successful relationships start from a mutual acquaintance. So by getting to know them, you open the door to someone walking into your own life and knocking you off your feet.

How to cope being a third wheel

Sometimes it doesn’t always go to plan.

Perhaps your friend distances themselves from you when they’re deeply, madly in love with their new partner. Or perhaps they just make you feel awkward when it’s the three of you.

First thing to remember if that happens: that’s on them, not you.

No one should ever make you feel awkward in the presence of their girlfriend or boyfriend, and if they do then it’s a reflection on their own insecurities and unease in the relationship.

The chances are that your friend doesn’t know how to navigate the new dynamic between you and their new partner and they’re feeling a little anxious. This might cause them to act strangely and it might be worth talking to them 1-2-1 to find out how they’re feeling and why they’re feeling this way.

Nevertheless, if your friend either directly or indirectly makes you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Know your worth and when it’s time to take a step back, even if it means spending time with other friends that appreciate that worth.

Don’t take it personally

The chances are that you and your friends will eventually find relationships. They might be a short fling or a long-term thing – it’s just a natural way of life for most people.

Try not to take it too personally when your friend finds someone to be all loved up with. We’re all trying to navigate this weird phenomenon called love with no proper education around it.

We all make mistakes and especially when there are feelings involved, so if your friend trips up and makes you feel a little awkward sometimes – just remember that they’re probably doing their best.

They’ll probably be feeling the pressure too and will want to make the relationship work for everyone involved.

Third wheeling in a relationship isn’t what the movies (and Cambridge Dictionary) make it out to be. There can be a lot of good stuff that comes from your friend finding a new love interest.

By embracing change and focusing on the positives, the relationship has the potential to positively impact more than just the two people involved.