Loneliness after leaving school

During the summer holidays, especially after we’ve left school, we might feel particularly lonely. Research has shown that around 1 in 6 secondary school students asked said they felt frequently lonely during the summer holidays. We explain why we might feel lonely when we leave school, and we share our tips on how to overcome it.

This article was written by a research team made up of youth co-researchers (young people with lived experience of loneliness) and research scientists at King’s College London. We have written this article based on our experiences and what the research shows.

Why do we feel lonely and how does it affect us?

Young people aged 16-24 years report higher levels of loneliness than people in older age groups. Loneliness is a significant issue that must be understood to help young people globally. Especially since loneliness has been linked to interrupted sleep, lower wellbeing, and poorer physical health.

Our environment, responsibilities, and social experiences can contribute to loneliness. For example, in new research released by Action for Children and Carers Trust, more than eight out of ten young carers (82%) reported feeling lonely during the summer holidays at least some of the time and nearly a third (32%) reported experiencing loneliness for most of the holidays. Even our financial situation can affect loneliness: young people with less stable financial situations reported in a recent study that they felt disconnected and pressured to fit in and did not matter. There are many factors that can contribute to loneliness, and there is no shame in feeling lonely.

Top tips on overcoming loneliness

If you’re experiencing loneliness then there are many ways to manage and overcome. Here are just a few ideas:

Writing in a journal

Youth co-researcher, age 17: “From my own personal experiences, writing in a journal can be incredibly helpful when you feel lonely, or overwhelmed with thoughts. It is a way to calm yourself down and helps open yourself to more opportunities.

Writing in a journal allows you to have a conversation with yourself and feel less lonely as you start to enjoy your own company. It’s helpful for young people who don’t like talking to others about their emotional issues or find it hard to explain how they feel in words. It’s also a fun hobby to write about daily occurrences in the journal to look back on in future, by keeping notes and receipts from outings.”

Evidence suggests that writing about how we’re feeling can have benefits for our physical and mental health. It is thought that this might be effective by helping us to feel more comfortable with, and to process, our emotions.

Attend just one social activity

Research scientist, age 31: “I know this can be really daunting, but forcing myself to attend one social event really made a difference. In my early 20s, I was really lonely. The lonelier I felt, the more isolated I became, and it just felt like a vicious cycle. One day, I came across a womxn-only skateboarding event. I loved skating but had no one to go with. I managed to convince myself to go – I’d never done anything like that on my own before and I was literally shaking when I got there! I made a friend that night and we went skating again at the weekend; we’re still friends 10 years later.

Going to this event didn’t pull me out of loneliness completely; but it did boost my confidence and led me to trust others and begin to build relationships again. If you can find a social activity that is structured and based on common ground like a hobby you enjoy, this could be a small step to overcoming loneliness.”   

Join an organisation

Research scientist, age 23: “In the summer after I finished my GCSEs, I took part in the National Citizen Service (NCS), an organisation which offers young people a range of experiences – away from home, in their local community, and online – both paid and free. I really enjoyed getting to try out lots of new activities and meeting new people. It was also helpful at filling my time and creating a routine during the holiday period, and this day-to-day structure reduced my uncertainty and anxiety.”

Research with socially isolated older adults showing that encouraging people to engage in enjoyable and meaningful activities helped reduce some aspects of loneliness and improved quality of life. It is important that we repeat this research and check whether it also applies to young people. We need more research to understand how this might help young people.

Take care of yourself

Youth co-researcher, age 17: “I found that practising self-care is an effective way to cope with loneliness. I learnt from the research that getting 7-9 hours of sleep each night can significantly improve mood and health, I began changing my routine to ensure I got this.

Also eating a balanced diet, which boosts energy and mood, and practising regular exercise helped my overall wellbeing. These energy boosts and endorphins can make it easier to engage with others and feel more positive, reducing feelings of loneliness. Lastly, I practised forms of mindfulness and meditation almost daily, which reduced my stress and sharpened my mental clarity and made it easier to handle feelings of loneliness. Self-care can be anything you like, if it helps you feel better and supports your mental and physical health.”

Try not to compare yourself to others

Social media can be a great way to create and maintain valuable connections, but it can make us feel worse if we’re comparing ourselves to others. For example, social media use has been associated with both increased anxiety about how other people perceive our appearance and increased feelings of loneliness.

If you do feel as though social media use is having a negative impact on your mental health, it might be helpful to set a screen time limit on your phone and try to do some activities with your phone in a different room.

It is okay to reach out for help

If you’ve tried a couple of these steps, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. If loneliness persists and significantly impacts your well-being, consider seeking support from a GP or trusted adult. They can provide personalised strategies and support to help you navigate through feelings of loneliness. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Useful resources

Below are some useful articles and resources provide support to young people:

• The Mix’s discussion boards are a great way to connect with others who might also be experiencing loneliness. Get involved by clicking the link below.
• I want to make some new friends
• How to make friends online
• Support for loneliness
• Help! I’m lonely
• The connection between anxiety and loneliness

Authors: Amanah Bokhari, Leandra Gyekye, Lauren Turner, Kathryn Bates

Amanah: I’m Amanah and I’m currently pursuing A-levels with a keen interest in psychology. I also practice Brazilian jiu-jitsu and have a fondness for cooking and baking!

Leandra: I’m Leandra and I struggle with my mental health but I’ve found I love to exercise and play sports. I play competitive and mixed netball every week which makes me happy.

Lauren: I’m Lauren and I work in research trying to understand more about youth loneliness and the impact of social inequality on mental health.

Kathryn: I’m Kathryn and I’m a researcher. I’m currently working with Amanah, Leandra and Lauren researching loneliness in young people. I am also the host and founder of The Science or Fiction Podcast. Created with young people and for young people, we interview researchers to separate the science from the fiction in news headlines on psychology and mental health: www.scienceorfiction.co.uk