Men’s top 10 sex worries

I think I have BPD, what should I do?

Yep, you heard right. Men worry about sex. Here are the 10 most common thoughts that get their y-fronts in a twist.

1. Will masturbation make me infertile?

There’s a lot of myths around about masturbation, as no one really talks about such a private act. The fact is it won’t make you blind or infertile, nor is it compulsory. Also, people do it whether or not they’re in a relationship – including women. It’s just a natural way to get in touch with your body and the pleasure you can get from it.

2. How do I find their clitoris?

The clitoris is that highly sensitive, and highly sought after erectile sex organ. It’s basically a fleshy bump, located at the top of the vaginal lips. Like the penis, the clitoris is packed with nerve endings and serves as the focus of stimulation, often resulting in orgasm. As for finding it, and handling it right, the best thing you can do is ask! If you’re comfortable with your partner, and feel able to discuss such an intimate subject, then find out how they like to be touched. With help, respect and experience, you’ll soon find your way.

3. I’m too embarrassed to buy condoms

Using condoms means you’re sussed about contraception. It means you understand and respect your sexual health and also your partner’s. In this view, buying contraception really shouldn’t be an issue. It certainly isn’t for the person at the till. But if you really can’t face it, alone or even with your partner, then condoms are available from vending machines installed in places like public toilets – where you can make the transaction in relative privacy.

4. They’re more experienced than me

Your performance in the sack doesn’t depend upon how many notches you’ve racked up on your bedpost. Nor does it matter that they’ve notched a few more than you. No matter how many times you or your partner have done it, what counts is the way you relate to each other – both physically and emotionally. If you’re comfortable in their company, and feel able to communicate on an intimate basis, then sex should be rewarding for you both in equal measure.

5. My partner wants sex and I’m not ready

Men might find it hard to admit they feel pressured into sex, fearing that it’s somehow not macho. If you can be honest about your feelings, however, it shows an emotional maturity that your partner should respect.

6. They’re not ready for sex

Sex is at its best when both of you feel comfortable with the idea of getting intimate. Rush into it, chances are you’ll end up feeling insecure or disappointed. If you respect them, then let them know there’s no pressure from you.

7. I can’t admit to my mates that I’m still a virgin

Being a virgin doesn’t make you any less of a man, though a lot of men lie about their sexual conquests in a bid to cover up their insecurities. Even if they are telling the truth, bragging about it doesn’t show much respect for such an intimate act.

8. Can we have sex during their period?

Yes. Providing you’re both comfortable with the idea, as there may be some menstrual bleeding, and you’re sussed about safer sex. There’s a low risk of pregnancy during their period, but there’s always a chance- especially at the end of their menstrual cycle. What’s more, unprotected sex increases the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections, period or not!

9. How can I tell if they’ve really had an orgasm?

Unless they’re prepared to let you know, the truth is it’s very difficult. Sure, you can look for little signs such as an increase in their breathing rate or a change in her body movement, but you’ll never be sure if it’s because they’re having an orgasm or simply hoping that faking it will stop you looking so anxious! The only way to be sure is by talking about the issue with them. Find out what brings them to orgasm, and when, if at all. Ultimately, sexual communication is at the heart of any good orgasm -no matter the gender -it’s just a question of building up the trust and respect between you.

10. Surely size matters a little bit?

The size of a man’s penis really doesn’t have any bearing on his status as a lover. Many people will vouch for the fact that a caring and considerate partner counts a whole lot more than a bloke with a big dick and no brains. So chuck away your ruler, and start measuring up as a skilled, sensitive and rewarding sexual partner.

For support with sex and sexual health

FPA give sexual health advice. For Northern Ireland helpline call 0345 122 8687.

Brook provides free sexual health and wellbeing services for young people in the UK. Brook’s services include local clinics and online digital sex and relationships tool.