Is it bad to pay for sex?

A user of The Mix recently got in touch whilst considering paying for sex from a sex worker. Can buying sex be a good thing and help you learn more about it, or is it bad to pay for sex? The answer is different depending on who you are. People sell sex and pay for sex for all sorts of reasons and there are many different angles to consider if you’re thinking about doing so yourself. It all comes down to how you feel and what you want.

Don’t rush into having sex

Although it might feel like you’re inexperienced with women, try to remember that loads of people haven’t had much sex by the time they’re 21. In fact, more people are virgins at 21 than you would think. So, please try not to pressurise yourself or feel like you have to pay for sex just to catch up. Truth is, everyone works on their own timeline.

Still think you’re the only virgin left? Find out the truth about the age people tend to have sex for the first time here.

Buying sex from a sex worker

Many men and women, as well as non-binary people, pay for sex at some point in their lives. That’s why there’s a whole industry for it. Some find this a useful experience. It can help them feel better about themselves and boost their confidence because they are having sex. So is it bad to pay for sex? Not necessarily, but there are always dangers involved in paying for sex.

For a start, many people feel like there’s a stigma attached to it – so they live in fear of friends or family finding out that they indulge in this way. Some feel guilty or regret having had ‘professional’ sex. It’s also important to mention that there are dangers of catching sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and of being taken for a ride financially. 

How will you feel after you have paid for sex?

Of course, it’s difficult to know how you will feel or what your experience will be like unless you try it. In this sense, it might be better to explore other options before committing to something that you might not find enjoyable. Either way, no one else can tell you how you will feel about paying for sex, so ultimately the decision has to be yours.

Having said that, you should consider that a year is not a long time in terms of not having sex – though it obviously feels like it. Often, people go through phases when they just don’t fancy the right people, or the right people don’t fancy them.

Another question to ask yourself might be: Is it possible that your wish to have sex is so great – and there is also so much anxiety attached to this for you – that you are not giving out the right signals to women? If they feel that you want them purely for sex, they’re unlikely to be very receptive.

Consider getting to know more people

Maybe a good way forward would be to set yourself a target of doubling the number of women you know socially. After that, try getting to know these women well. This would involve being interested in them as people, talking to them and trying to find out what makes them tick. Making an effort to get to know someone is the kind of social interaction that women appreciate – and for most people this is a very good prelude to later sexual activity.

Sometimes the workplace is a good area for this kind of communication. Or you can go out to meet more female friends or relatives of your other friends. You can even join a club or evening class that interests you so that you already have something in common; most of us meet our romantic partners through work or through the interests we have. Reading this article on how to make new friends might also be helpful. 

If you already have a bunch of female friends, then try getting to know them better. Browse this article where we discuss how to be a good friend for some tips.

Why female sex workers are in the business

It is also worth remembering that people may go into sex work for a number of reasons. Some by choice, but others may have been forced, trafficked or compelled by a drug addiction. Try to find out what and who your money is going to before you pay for sex,. That way you can be more confident that what you’re doing is safe.

Do you have something to say about paying for sex? Join the community on our discussion boards.