Friends with benefits

Having a 'friend with benefits' suits some people perfectly; recreational sex with no heavy love stuff going on. But can it work for you?

When it works

If it’s what you both want, then there’s no-strings sex, without the need for the nerve-wracking chatting up that usually leads up to a one-night stand. If you want to get laid regularly, but don’t want to commit to a heavy relationship then it has a certain appeal. It’s a very personal decision about whether or not it’s right for you.

It can be a real thrill to have a passionate fling with someone you wouldn’t normally hang out with in everyday life for long periods of time. Sometimes a couple have incredible sexual chemistry, but beyond that they have little in common. The added sense of ‘naughtiness’ allows some people to cut loose and play out their fantasies. Both partners have to be very clear about what they want from having a ‘friend with benefits’, and need to talk about their expectations so that there are no misunderstandings.

When the passion burns out, if you were good friends already, you may find you can go back to being just mates and closer ones at that, however sometimes one of you will be too weirded out and you’ll lose them completely as a result.

When it doesn’t work

If it’s two people who like and respect one another, then it can work very well. However, often one person is in love with the other one and hides their true feelings, or falls in love during the relationship. If either of you are going to sleep with other people while keeping a fuck buddy then be honest about it, otherwise there is a strong possibility of someone feeling jealous, betrayed, or having their sexual health put at risk.

Some people who go on about being a fuck buddy are just a bit selfish, or too immature to commit to a relationship. If the relationship quickly becomes one-sided, or you start to feel used, then it’s time to knock it on the head, no matter how good the sex may feel.

Test of time

It is often impossible to turn this situation into a regular relationship, if that’s what you eventually decide that you want, but it does work out sometimes. What usually happens, though, is that the intensity of the sex eventually burns itself out – and you both find that you’ve got nothing to talk about. But at least nobody will have a broken heart if you stick to the ground rules.