What is bondage? BDSM for beginners

The Mix's guide to BDSM & bondage for beginners.

Many people have heard of bondage or BDSM, but what is bondage? Here’s our guide to bondage for beginners to help get you started safely.

What is bondage?

There are many different types of bondage, the most simple definition is that bondage restricts someone’s movement. Many people have tried a bit of “tie and tease” and found it to be an exciting way to spice up their love life. 

What does BDSM stand for?

BDSM stands for ‘bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism’ and is used to describe a whole range of sexual role play scenarios within the world of bondage.

Trusting your bondage partner

The most important aspect of bondage games is trust, because one of the partners is restricted and therefore vulnerable. You must be able to trust one another completely and feel comfortable at all times; otherwise these kinds of games should never be played. The dominant partner (or ‘top’) should never use the session purely to fulfil their own fantasies in a selfish way, they should also think about the pleasure of the restrained partner (‘passive partner’ or ‘bottom’).

What’s the attraction of bondage?

People are attracted to bondage for a number of different reasons. Being tied up allows some people to relax and enjoy sexual pleasure without worrying about giving pleasure back to their partner at the same time. Others prefer to play-struggle against their restraints, and say it builds up an exciting adrenaline rush. Being blindfolded is supposed to heighten other sensations in the body. The person performing the bondage gets increased feelings of personal power, but of course this must never be abused.

First-time bondage ideas

If you’re getting into the idea of bondage for beginners, here are some suggestions:

• Taking turns to tie each other up with silk scarves and tease one another;
• Tie the passive partner up with something that can easily be broken out of, such as paper streamers, or a really thin chain. Then they only have to stay in that position if they want to be there;
• Blindfolding during sex, whilst using sex toys, massage, or kissing;
• Furry love cuffs – handcuffs that are padded with fake fur on the inside to prevent chafing, and can’t close too far (which cuts off the circulation).

Bondange safety tips

There are several safety issues to consider when playing bondage games, concerning consent, abuse, and physical injuries. Enjoying bondage is the most important thing, if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it.

A full understanding of sexual consent is a vital part of bondage, as it is with any sexual activity. Learn more about sexual consent here.

• Bondage is NOT something to try with someone you’ve just met. You really don’t know if they are trustworthy until you know them better, however charming they may seem.
• Never let a partner coerce or bully you into any sexual practice that you don’t want to do. It’s perfectly OK to say no, a decent lover will understand.
• Talk about it beforehand and discuss the plan. Set boundaries. These rules and limits are sacred and must not be broken during the game.
• Have a safe word agreed before you begin. A common safe word is ‘enough’. If the safe word is said, the active partner must stop what they are doing immediately, and release the passive partner within seconds.
• Never tie something around someone’s neck unless it is a collar that’s specially made for the purpose. There is a high risk of tissue damage, choking, or fatal strangulation. Similarly, gags are potentially dangerous.
• If someone is tied up, they must never be left alone. The active partner must make sure they are comfortable, breathing properly, and that nothing is cutting off their circulation.
• Do not try bondage in a remote place, just in case there is an accident that leaves the active partner injured and the passive partner tied up with no way of getting help.
• If you’ve never tried bondage before, don’t go straight into anything that uses complicated equipment. This is for experts only and has extra safety issues that you may not understand.
• The rules of safer sex still apply. Use condoms for penetrative sex. Drink and drugs can cause you to seriously underestimate safety risks. Avoid intoxication.

That concludes our guide to bondage. Interested in chatting further about BDSM for beginners? Head over to our Discussion Boards.