What it’s like to experience bullying

Bullying is never something that should be overlooked. That’s why we decided to ask some young people from our community what it’s like to experience bullying to help spread some awareness. Read on to learn about the different bullying situations they experienced and how they were affected by them.

We asked some young people from our community what it’s like to experience bullying. Read on to learn about the different bullying situations they experienced and how they were affected by them. Before we begin, if you’re being bullied at work, school or on social media, you can reach out directly to The Mix for help here. For more support with bullying, see our article on how to beat bullying here.

What it’s like to experience bullying at work

(Kee, 24)

I noticed that a colleague was becoming increasingly verbally aggressive towards me. They used to start shouting and swearing at me, for no reason, as well as making sexist comments. Eventually I shared these experiences with my boyfriend of 5+ years. He urged me to say something to my line manager, so I did. Without him, I probably wouldn’t have reported it. 

For me, saying anything was a big step. Truth be told, it’s one that I didn’t really wanna take. If I did, I’d be admitting that I was being bullied. And for a 24-year old female in a professional job, owning up to being bullied just didn’t seem right. 

I eventually went to HR and put a formal complaint in, after my boyfriend strongly urged me to do so. The matter got looked at, and honestly, it did feel good to finally have my voice heard. But in my case, other than them giving him a verbal warning not much happened. Luckily, it didn’t need to. 

After the complaint got closed, he left the team. Gradually, the stress that his aggression and bullying caused me decreased. If you’re in a similar situation – you may not be as lucky as me. So don’t be afraid to speak up when you feel hurt or like the proper action isn’t being taken. Especially if you’re dealing with bullying based on your sexual orientation – that’s discrimination and can get the bully fired.

Get more support with bullying at work here.

What it’s like to experience bullying at school

(Anonymous) 

I would’ve loved for somebody to support me when I was being bullied. A friendly face and smile that let me know “It’ll be ok. You’re appreciated by me.” Unfortunately, that friendly face never came. Instead the faces of bullies just kept multiplying, and I was left to fend for myself. Excluded. Isolated in the one place I thought was safe. School.

My experience of bullying was extremely subtle. I was prevented from making friends and generally rejected by my peers. Thankfully, I had some teachers who were willing to look out for me. But even they didn’t know the full extent of it. I actually didn’t mind detentions in the slightest, because it meant I had an excuse to stay inside and be with a teacher who I knew wanted the best for me. Eventually, I spoke out and received support – but it took a long-time for me to get there. I was embarrassed, ashamed and felt unworthy of support.

Throughout the entire experience, I kept asking myself “am I being bullied? is this even a big deal?” even though I knew the answer to both those questions was yes. Bullying isn’t always as obvious as people make it out to be. Sometimes it can be subtle and hidden. If you experience bullying, subtle or obvious, please reach out to someone. Tell a teacher. Speak to The Mix. Open up to a parent. I promise you, it gets better. 

The impact of bullying

(Phoenix, 18) 

Bullying, it’s a word we are all too familiar with, we’ve seen it in the early internet age videos, a young girl, her phone pinging with hateful messages, the shutting of the door, the streaming tears. Every teacher has preached the importance of being kind, we’ve had it drilled in; the anger, fear and sadness that comes with bullying. We know this, we’ve been told more times than we have fingers to count on.

But what is bullying really like? For me, deeper than the typical sadness and isolation was a feeling of confusion. I was lost in this bubble of hate and mockery. I had no idea how to proceed, because I simply didn’t know who I could trust. Young people can be cruel, they can be clever and they can be sneaky. So often for me it wasn’t the blatant name calling that really got to me, it was the more subtle bullying, the comments that could be passed off as a joke about someone else entirely.

It left me doubting my own perception, of myself, of other people. I began to believe the opinions of many around me that I was being too sensitive, because it was often not said directly to my face, my name was not always used, therefore it could have applied to anyone. I was left feeling crazy, my sense of self and my identity was being wiped away because I didn’t even trust myself anymore. That left a scar deeper than any name can, because even today I can’t always fully trust my own perception of the world, making it, at times like this, appear a hostile and difficult place to navigate.

This lack of trust in myself and my perception resulted in me suffering in silence. This is something I’d never ever advocate, it solves nothing. It just dragged out a situation that could have been solved with some words, bravery and insistence. Always say something, even if you aren’t sure of a situation yourself, the adults around you can provide a much more subjective, third person perspective that will determine if what you think is happening really is, then together you can tackle whatever the issue is.

I sat down with some friends to discuss our own different experiences with bullying and these are the things we would want to say to anyone who’s being bullied.

What to say to someone who’s being bullied

“Just remember that a bully only has power over you so long as you let them have it. If you say the right things and act the right way, they will lose that power. That bullies won’t be in your life forever. And a person’s access to you is granted by you, and you can take away that access at any time.” 

“Stand up. Prove them that what they are saying is not true. Fight back. Because none of those things they are telling you is true. Reach out if you can.”

“Reach out to your friends and family, let them know what’s going on, utilise the right channels; the school counsellor, head teacher, the police. Know that your thoughts and feelings and you matter and that you are valid.”

“Don’t let bullying be the end of your story. It’s hard now but things can and will get better. I was bullied for the majority of my school years and now I’m here using my experiences to make a difference, and those words that were thrown at me, they no longer mean anything to me. Words only have as much power as you give them. Keep your end up, one foot in front of the other, the end will arrive.” 

“Today and everyday, be an ally, be there for those that need it the most. Innocent bystanders seldom exist and you have more power in your pinky finger alone than you even realise, use it to make a change that will last a lifetime. Educate yourself on the different forms of bullying and how they look, share and discuss experiences, speak up on wrongdoing, be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, the list of things you can do to tackle bullying are endless and can be done today, tomorrow and everyday.

You can be the reason someone smiles today or the reason they end their story, What will you choose?”

Head to our bullying page for more information and support.

You can also read our article on how to cope with bullying at school and learn about another member of our community’s experience of bullying here.

Read Katie’s story about how bullying turned her into a bully.

Alternatively, try getting in touch with our team who are there to listen and to talk about any issue. Or check out The Diana Award’s Support Centre for some helpful organisations.